3P Random Reflections Blog

I had a realization a few years ago that EVERY human being frequently experiences insecure thought... anger, fear, worry, frustration, judgment, envy, depression, anxiety, hate, loneliness, worthlessness, despair, hopelessness... the list is endless.

We get a temporary negative feeling of being "separate/disconnected (insecure) in some way", we label the feeling, we look for all the sources within us or outside of us to be the reasons for the feeling, and then we do whatever makes sense to either numb the feeling, or distract from the feeling, or avoid the feeling, or fix what we now believe to be the reasons for the feeling... creating our personal addictions.

And this process doesn't happen step-by-step so that we can see it. It's instantaneous. We don't even know that it's happening. The results of it are immediately manifested in the thoughts in our mind and the feelings throughout our body, appearing convincingly real.

We're never really addicted to anything, as much as we are addicted to wanting to feel better. We are simply having moments or periods of feeling bad, thinking it's bad to feel bad, assigning a source to the feeling, and then looking for a way out of the feeling.

And so we numb the feeling (drugs, alcohol, etc.), we avoid and distract from the feeling (sleep, eat, social media, work, judge others, etc.) and we fix the feeling (change, achieve, strive, accumulate, fight, etc.) in an infinite number of forms.

Each of us tends to have our own "habits of personal crazy"... what we frequently do to numb, avoid, distract, or fix, which then becomes part of our perceived personality, and part of what we present to the world in our behaviours.

And most of us completely miss noticing how bad feelings pass all on their own every time we somehow happen to take them less seriously or give them less attention. As children we intuitively know this, but we simply forget this over time, with our lifetime of collected, believed craziness.

And if at any point, we somehow remember this in any way... perhaps we discover that all bad feelings are only the very human and temporary flow of insecure thought, or perhaps we get some sense of our intrinsic connection to everything and everyone in life (an innate feeling/knowing of security)... the consequence is that our insecure thought (bad feeling), in whatever form it appears, has much less hold over us.

We then experience feeling bad without all the meaning and significance added. We gain back a more childlike experience of life. We take things much less seriously. We're not as afraid to feel bad. All feelings then simply become an abundance of richly felt experience, rather than something to be numbed, avoided, distracted, and fixed. We get to navigate life with a lot less thought and a lot more grace.

All of us already know this in some way. We all have had bad feelings that we have somehow taken less seriously. We all have had bad feelings that have passed without conscious effort. We just haven't yet made the significant distinction that all feelings are the inevitable flow of "up and down" human energy, rather than the solid indicator of any particular truth about ourselves or the world.

Despite having seen this unexpectedly and profoundly for myself, I am still human. I still experience insecure thought in multiple forms. I still experience the perceived bad feelings that go along with it, and that show up in various forms in my body. I still have the experience of not liking it and taking it seriously. But now I more often wake up again to the illusory nature of the craziness being created through my mind and body, I relax, I laugh, I breathe, and I settle.

And overall, with much less of the heaviness of a lifetime collection of serious thought, and with a sense of the deeper secure feeling of the energy of life itself... life becomes a playground of infinite experiences to play in, where feeling bad isn't something we ever have to feel bad about.

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